Yahweh is my Shepherd

Hey all! I’ve overall been healing well. Saturday I did a bit much and was really hurting yesterday—my longer incision went back to hurting with certain movement and every time I coughed. Our Pastor did the second sermon on Psalm 23 and it was so encouraging. God is so faithful as our Shepherd, no matter what’s happening in our lives. We also had a baptism service last night and as they always are, was also immensely encouraging. It was pushing it a bit to go last night but it was worth it to be encouraged spiritually and enjoy some fellowship afterwards. I got a lot of deep sleep last night and woke up not hurting as much this morning so I was very thankful for that.

Last week I was able to do a sewing class at church and made a bible cover, which was super fun. I’ve been able to take Blue on short walks near the house but she’s definitely a little bored.

I just wanted to give you guys a quick update…I’m doing well, but definitely still a ways to go to get back to 100%. Here’s a picture of my Bible cover—I love birds cause it always makes me think of Matthew 6 when Jesus says, “Look at the birds of the air for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.”

Have a great week!

Rachelle

Sunrise and Sunset

Thank you for all your prayers for my family yesterday, especially my sister. She called me early in the morning, crying, laying on Dreamer’s back like we’ve done so many times together on our horses over the years. God gave her a beautiful sunrise. When it was time, she said it was peaceful and she was actually relieved, knowing she’s not in pain anymore. She didn’t realize how much she had been worrying about her.

I talked to her a couple times and my Mom and was sobbing and Blue kept licking my tears and then I’d stop and then start again and she’d come back and at one point she actually howled at me as if to say, “Mom! Licking your tears usually works!” 😂 I got this hilarious picture of her long tongue though lol

I’m so thankful for animals and the incredible gifts they are—yesterday was heavy and hard because of the love of a horse I’ve been blessed to experience. I wouldn’t change it for one moment because there’s a million moments of joy and laughter I’ve enjoyed because of Dreamer. Yesterday my sister took one last ride on her—she hasn’t been able to lope her, let alone run her in 5 years because of the ligament disease, so she let her go and Dreamer made us all laugh cause she tried to buck multiple times and didn’t want to slow down.

Last night God colored the skies here in Huntsville with an incredible sunset that would rival AZ sunsets. Today the verses I texted were from Revelation 21 talking about the new heaven and the new earth where there will be no more tears or death for those hid in Christ—until that Day we experience death and sadness and grief and loss because of sin, but praise the Lord, Jesus rose from the grave and conquered death forever!

As a quick footnote, my lungs continue to be junky and not be very happy, but I was also able to go for a short walk with Blue yesterday morning. It was just near my house later in the morning when I was certain there wouldn’t be any other dogs around to get her excited and she listened well and walked at my extra slow pace—it’s crazy how she didn’t pull wanting to walk faster like we normally do do. Surgery wise, I’m still ouchy, but also feeling a little stronger everyday. And now it’s nap time! 💖

Dreamer and Promise…the end of an Era

If you know me at all, you know how important horses have been in my life. Mom held me on a horse the day I came home from the hospital at 9 days old and I don’t remember not knowing how to ride. My first gymkhana (barrel race) I was 5. Before I came to Christ at 16, horses were my god. I would rather go clean my horses pen than do anything in the kitchen lol—I’m a country girl through and through. God blessed me with my horse, Buddy, that I got when I was 13 and he was 3 and I trained him from the ground up and was blessed to have him for 24 years. We had to put him down 2 weeks before we moved to Huntsville. Mom and Dad kept him and took care of him for me at her house since we couldn’t afford his care or have a place for him, except for a short time when we moved him to MT with me. I had known he wasn’t doing well before we moved, but hadn’t wanted to pray that God would take him, but God knows the desires of our hearts, and I’m so thankful that I was able to be with him to the end of his journey. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done…and I’m asking for prayers for my family, especially my sister tomorrow, as she’s had to make that devastating decision to put her horse, Dreamer, down. 😭😭😭

Dreamer is younger but has a degenerative ligament disease and last week when my brother in law, Kyle, was trimming her feet she fell and that was the final straw for Jenny. Back in December, my Mom had to make the same choice for Promise, Dreamer’s half sister, because of the same ligament disease. I’m going home later this month for a wedding and it was already going to be emotional without Promise there for the first time, as she’s who I always rode when I visited. Now Dreamer will be gone too and it truly feels like the end of an era for me as they were the last two horses that I really have a bond with and spent a lot of time with while we still lived in AZ.

Death is so hard and always a stark reminder of the consequences of sin—death is here because of sin and all of creation “has been subjected to futility” but thankfully there IS a Day coming when Jesus will come back to set everything aright and death will be no more! O for That Day!

I’m thankful for the memories and for God’s gift of horses—they are incredible majestic animals that He didn’t have to give us to enjoy. I’m thankful that I was privileged enough to grow up in a family that was able to own them and experience all that I experienced with them—they are a large part of who I am today. There were times I was so sick and was in a wheelchair and couldn’t walk well due to vertigo but Buddy gave me wings. My sister had enough time to get some “goodbye” pictures taken and the one that wrecked me the most is one of my nephew Hunter hugging on her with my sister looking at him…it’s so similar to a memory emblazoned in my brain from the night we put Buddy down. Hunter was only 6 at the time and he had his arms wrapped around Buddy’s front leg bawling and Kyle had to pull him away as it was time, and he says, “I’ll never forget you.” 😭😭😭 Life is so hard sometimes and I have shed many tears lately for different reasons and I came across a verse in Psalm 116:8 that I had never noticed before that says, “He rescues my soul from death, my eyes from tears…”. God is so gracious to rescue our souls from death but then just that picture of rescuing my eyes from tears—One Day I will cry my last tear and see my Savior face to face and never have to think of death again—so grateful I have that hope to cling to because of Christ in these moments. Until that Day, we press on!

Thank you for praying—my sister and I were talking the other day and she said through tears, “I’m counting my blessings because a friend just lost their 13 year old in an accident and a client of mine’s 3 year old daughter came home on hospice needing a heart and lung transplant. As hard as it will be to say goodbye to that golden palomino out there, she’s not a kid and I have 3 beautiful healthy boys.” Dreamer isn’t human, but she’s impacted our family in so many ways and will be missed. I video chatted my goodbye earlier and we bawled together….here are some pics of me saying my goodbyes to Promise and Dreamer and some pics of me and my sis riding Buddy and Dreamer. Thank you Lord, that You entrusted us with these incredibly special horses and gave such sweet memories—they are truly gifts that You didn’t have to give!

UAB Day and God’s Great Love for Us!

Today was a very long day—I had 3 appointments at UAB and because my lungs still aren’t doing that great, they extended my IV antibiotics for a week last minute so my nurse had to come change out my needle at 6:30 this morning. My friend, Fathom, drove me today, so we were on the road by 7:15 and didn’t get home until around 5 tonight. We got there and went to the desk to request a wheelchair and they had one sitting there that was just the wire base with no padding on it so she offered to get a couple blankets but it was officially the most uncomfortable wheelchair I have sat in, but I was still thankful to not have to walk all over the hospital and to another building for my appointments.

The first was just a normal appointment with psychiatry since I am on meds for sleep. It’s always interesting to try to summarize life for them because without Christ, I would be so lost and I don’t know how people do life without Jesus. I’m so thankful to be in a place in my life where we are members of an incredibly healthy church and have a wonderful support system as the body truly strives to live out the “one another’s” that Christ calls us to. Having gone through psychosis due to medication reactions and then having seasons of depression and seeing the world’s response to those things and their answers and attempts to help, it draws me closer to Jesus and makes me thankful for the Bible and the body of Christ and the means of grace He provides for life’s difficulties. Although on this side of heaven I will struggle with this weak and broken body and the flesh that clings so closely, I can trust that God knows every single neuron and nerve and cell not just in my brain, but in my entire body—and there IS a Day coming when I will be changed in the twinkling of an eye and will be made like Him in the presence of my Savior and I will think perfectly for all eternity! Oh what grace that is and the hope it gives me to keep running the race He has set before me….but I digress…long story not so short, the doctor was glad I am plugged into my support system and that I’m doing so well, all things considered.

Next was my post-op appointment with the OBGYN. We talked about random things and then he checked my incisions and said that looked great and that I was good to go unless I wanted to do hormones, which with all my medication sensitivities, I’m going to see what I can do alternatively first. Thankfully the night sweats and hot flashes haven’t been horrible—they were more consistent right after surgery but this last week I haven’t noticed them as much, which is a huge praise!

Finally, it was ENT to talk about sinus surgery, which I scheduled for August 20th. While I was there, he took a culture of my sinuses to see what the pseudomonas there is sensitive to, since it can be different than my lungs. He also cleaned me out which hurt pretty bad, but it made me forget about my abs for a bit lol.

Then, for your laugh, Fathom was pushing me down a hill in the hallway and started running and saying, “We’re just escaping from the psych ward!” 😂😂😂 I pointed out that she was in fact headed back towards it lol…amidst the appointments, we had a good lunch and fellowship and good conversation, pointing each other to Christ, loving each other and being so thankful for friendship in the Lord—it truly is a precious gift—and best of all, it’s eternal!! We were both tired on the way home, so we listened to a Grace to You podcast and this opening statement struck both of us, “If God didn’t love His enemies, there would be no Christians.” WOW. Praise the Lord that “God demonstrates His love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8 Much to be thankful for!

Enjoying Fellowship and Recovering Well Plus Happy 4th!!!

Hey all! The last couple of days have been sweet…got to have lunch with Marie and Sarah and Mom and catch up and then yesterday Kayla and her kiddos came over and I got to snuggle Vinny, my newest nephew! 💖 So thankful for the body of Christ and fellowship and the encouragement it is. I’m still sore, but feel like I’m doing a little better every day, surgery healing wise.

My lungs on the other hand are definitely not happy, especially my right. That was the one that hurt really bad after surgery and in my foggy memory I kept asking Jord to do manual chest percussion on my right side to try and loosen things up it hurt so bad—the oxy didn’t touch the lung pain. Over and over I praise God that He gave me a high pain tolerance because He knew I would need it! It’s still hurting off and on but I have been able to increase the strength of my treatments from low up to medium—It shakes my belly so I can’t do my normal level aggressive treatments because of my incisions so that also plays a huge factor in things. I am trying to move around as much as I can too without over doing it which is a very delicate balance at the moment lol.

Today we are just taking it easy and spending the day together and then trying to settle Blue during fireworks—she is not a fan lol. I’m thankful for our country for so many reasons—we truly are incredibly blessed to live here and as Lee Greenwood’s famous song says, “I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free, and I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me! And I’ll gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today…no doubt I love this land…God bless the USA!” America is far from perfect, but I’m truly grateful God placed me here—freedom isn’t free and many have died to give me the right to follow hard after Christ without the fear of persecution there is in so many places around the world. Thank you doesn’t even begin to do it justice, but to all who have served, I humbly thank you from the bottom of my heart and I pray you find ultimate freedom in Christ as your personal Lord and Savior who gave His life on the cross so that we might live for all eternity without the effects of sin!! What Glorious Days we who are hid in Him have to look forward to! Happy 4th of July!!

In the Love of the Lamb,

Rachelle

Meds are Here!

My meds are here in my hot little hands! Thanks for praying everyone! Jord also helped me get a real shower and wash my hair—that always feels so good after surgery and the hospital. Thankful!

Home and Prayer Request 💖

I was able to get discharged yesterday afternoon! So thankful! A friend from church, Julie, and her kiddos came and picked me up. Got home and got my Blue loves, and then my nurse came and re-accessed my port. Then we waited and waited and waited some more for my IV antibiotics to show up…I finally called at 9 and got the after hours team—sometimes the first delivery is super late but I had typically heard something by then. There was a mixup and somehow the order got to the company but not on to the pharmacy. I talked to the pharmacist and they said they’d have to get it ready in the morning. Typically I call when I’m on my way home, but the case manager at the hospital said she called and talked to them so I didn’t call. I called a little bit ago just to see timing of delivery this morning and got my normal pharmacist and no one had passed the message along to him. Welcome to the life of a professional patient lol. It’s frustrating but at the same time, God is over it all and allowing it to happen for a reason and a purpose. It’s not ideal since I learned that my pseudomonas is intermediately resistant to this antibiotic and the one I was on last time. The only antibiotic it’s sensitive to is one that caused nerve hearing loss so I can’t take it.

Please pray for my meds to get here and that they would work better than expected. I’m going to be asking my doc what “feeling better” looks like now that it’s more resistant and may not work as well….definitely wading in new territory that is to be expected with PCD being a progressive disease, but now that I’m here can be a little scary if I really stop and think about it. Praise the Lord I have Jesus and can cling to Him, knowing that He knows every single cell in my body, the number of hairs on my head, and not only that, but nothing comes to me that doesn’t first go through Him and is for my ultimate good and His ultimate glory.

I’m gonna sign off but wanted to update everyone!

In His Mighty Grip,

Rachelle