Light in the Darkness: Worship While I'm Waiting

Tomorrow at 8 I will see the neurologist to get the results from the MRI's of my brain and orbits (eyes) and the MRA of my head to check for an aneurysm. In all honesty, I'm nervous about the results--they told me before the test that I would be in there about 45 minutes before contrast and then they would bring me out and give me an injection with the contrast and then go about 20 minutes longer. I do my prayer time during my daily breathing treatments and they are on average 50 minutes in the morning, unless I'm on extra medications so I kinda have a rough estimate of time that way. I prayed through my prayer list in my head and then prayed some more and the test stopped for probably a good 2-5 minutes and I thought she was gonna come get me and then it started again and went on for awhile before she got me for contrast--when I was done I was in there almost 2 hours (so lots of you got prayed for lol!) instead of just over the 1 they had said. In my medical brain, that seems to me that they found something or realized they needed more images of something etc. Fear started to kick in during the test, but my friend Fathom had texted me Isaiah 41:10 right before I got called back which is: "Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am Your God. I will help you, I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." That calmed my heart in the moment and anytime since when I start to have thoughts go down "that road" I recite those verses or listen to a worship song or remind myself that we can't do anything until we know one way or the other. The other things is they could find nothing--which in one sense is great, but on the other hand (and this has happened a lot with me) that leaves me trying to figure out how to deal with a whole new set of painful symptoms. As I type, I have many settings on my computer so that I can even look at a screen and the lights in my living room are off and I have a hall light and a kitchen light that's indirect because if my eyes see the actual light bulb or ray of light (inside, not the sun interestingly enough) my eyes and head hurt a whole lot worse. They are both pretty much constantly hurting right now, but I'm getting used to it. Once more, I'm oh so grateful for the incredibly high pain tolerance God gave me because He knew I would need it! (I broke my hand when I was 3 falling off of a horse and when the doctor pressed on it and asked if it hurt, Mom said I said, "a little" and when he took the x-ray he was dumbfounded and said I should have been on the floor in pain. Another time, my eardrum burst when I was little and I didn't complain to Mom of any pain. When I was in college, I had severe abdominal pain (which we now know was stage 4 endometriosis) and stopped at my Aunt Dawn's house because I couldn't continue the 45 minute drive home. She asked me to rate my pain and when I said 6, she turned to my friend, Melisa, and said, "That's like a 12 for the rest of us.) All that said, I'm no stranger to pain, but the eyes have definitely been quite the challenge.

So I would appreciate prayers for peace and comfort--God always provides that in the moment and I'm so very thankful for the church body--my friend Jenny is driving me and going to be with me so whichever direction God chooses for us, I will have a friend to help me in the moment. Jord is taking two days off for my surgery on the 31st so he can stay overnight with me and help me through the first night because it will likely be rough, given my surgical history of throwing up every 5 minutes for hours after surgeries, especially laparoscopic surgeries. I'm so thankful for the company he works for now and that they truly believe and support "family first" so he's not feeling pressured that he has to be at work.

On the upside, I got to go for an hour long trail ride on Ginger again today! Fathom found this farm here in Huntsville and it's amazing--she gifted me a trail ride for my birthday a few weeks ago, and they put me on Ginger, a sorrel that looks SO much like Buddy. She's 24 and an old roping and bulldogging horse. They said "she'll try to eat grass on you so just watch for that" but on both rides, she didn't try once--horses know if they can get away with stuff or not! They are such amazing animals--it was a bit windy today, but it was so peaceful riding through the woods and I was almost in tears at one point just thanking God for the opportunity to go on trail rides again--the second I'm around horses I can forget everything going on and truly be present in the moment--and I smell amazing after too lol! At least I think so! I was very thankful to be able to do that and it feels a bit like "the calm before the storm" as I'm not sure what awaits on the horizon tomorrow, but I know the One who does! While I was driving today, the song, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller from the movie, "Fireproof" came on my playlist and it was exactly what my heart needed! HERE IS THE LINK if you want to check it out--it is an amazing song of simply worshiping God while you wait. Our ladies bible study is going through Smedley Yates' (our Pastor from Grace Bible in Phoenix) book "Wait. Waiting on God in a World that Won't Wait." and God is giving all of us practice in waiting as we are studying it. One of the lines of the song is "taking every step in obedience" and that is the goal of the Christian life--to strive to follow Christ in a way that honors and glorifies Him.

The other exciting thing that happened last night was we finally got an offer on our house so we are officially under contract!! Lord willing, no more showings for this girl!!! And this girl is also exhausted and my treatments just finished so I need to head for bed so I can get some good rest before my early appointment tomorrow--if we don't blow away tonight here in Alabama lol--we have a line of storms coming through tonight--it's that time of year! Spring is budding but so are the storms lol! Thankful I can rest in God's power and might and be in awe of Him in how powerful He is and these things like wind and storms are just a small glimpse of His power--what an awesome God we serve!! Enjoy a few spring pictures I got! And my ride!